Words words
Gimme the words
I wanna know what you have to say
I wanna know the life you’ve been deprived
I wanna know the dogs before good-bye
I wanna know the health you seek to find

I wanna leave these emotions behind
The human arises
The human lives
The human fucks me up
The human fucks me over

But back to her
Back to my desires
Back to wanting more
Back to dreaming dreams
Of touches
Without pain

Come, go
Here, gone
In all this
Is there time for me
Is there time for cardinal sin
Is there time for some deeds
That we can pretend plants the seeds

Can I have that hand
Can I see you off
Can I allow some happiness
On your way out the door
Can I have a moment
To calm the solitude
That eats me inside

I’d like to kiss you
I’d like to say goodbye
I’d like to wish you well
I’d like to see a smile
My heart could believe
When saying goodbye
Yes I would
Yes I would like just moment
With you in my arms

Last post I wrote, the last time I checked in, I truly didn’t know if I would survive myself to post again. I did.

Since that complete breakdown from trying to be a drinking buddy I never wanted to be I have experienced, convertible Camaro, Mustang, Death Valley, a new relationship, best sex of my life (by far), watching anorexia take someone over, new dogs, losing dogs, stealing dogs, a new level of complete mental breakdown, and all this cummulating with a call to 911 and my new girlfriend being arrested and jailed for domestic violence.

If you needed to know what led up to that call to 911, it was because I didn’t say I just had the best orgasism of my life. I think that should say it all.

Yeppers. Still alive and kicking. Still haven’t learned to run from crazy. Still haven’t learned to not extend my hand.

This last few months have definitely been the most bizarre few months of my life, but in so many ways, the most rewarding and the most educational.

To sum up: I need a new girlfriend, quickly-quickly, before the current one gets out of jail and I remember I’m needy and week.

-Duckin’ Kev

I know, and I agree, the time for good-bye is past, but I still need somebody. I still need that person I set out to find. I realize it was a mistake to try to be there for her, but I still need somebody there for me. I see the irony, and I cry for the irony that I have to force support from the person that has damaged so greatly because there truly is nobody else. I get these words. These words don’t fix, they don’t make better. I really need somebody, and unbelievably, I need that person I need to tell “fuck-off” until that day comes I can fuck-off.

I never sought forever, I never wanted permanence, but I am in a real fucked internal place, and I need help. I can’t ask, I can’t talk, I can’t beg, but I need help.

I lost. I payed. I was scarred. I don’t know what to live for, I can’t a find a reason to live. All I can do is turn to the one with the latest knife and beg, “Please help me. Please help me.”

There is never going to be that partner. There is never going to be that person by my side. I know there will never be a time I’m not alone. I will never feel beyond this isolation. I still need help, I still need somebody. I will never be okay as long as I need anybody in any way, but I can’t fight alone.

Please be there somebody.