Today the dogs and I took a trip up to the foothills to bury Lili. The dogs ran all over and played, but I buried Lili. I choose a spot that didn’t look over the hurt and pain of Bakersfield and people. Instead, I gave her a view of hope and the home of my heart, where I would like to be, on the other side of over there. Also the hillside is super soft, so I could dig a nice deep hole and know she would be safe. Did I mention soft? I placed her down and with her looking peacefully asleep, I gave her back to the Mother.

After the burial, we went on a hike, towards that last ridge, though I only went down one canyon, up that next hill, and down another canyon.

When I got to the first ridge, I’m looking out and see something floating. I focus in and eventually can see it is a mylar balloon. Not just a balloon, but it is actually a heart-shaped balloon. I’m watching it in complete disbelief. It is in a canyon, nothing, nobody is near, yet an escaped balloon, at that very moment crossed my eye’s path. I watch it floating and it stops in front of me. I begin to video it, and it just stays, like it was talking to me. As I put down my camera, it suddenly takes off, straight up to heaven. As I am watching it rise, a raven flies by, does a body roll in the air, and sticks around to escort it up and away.

I’m not a religious person, but as far as coincidences are concerned, I got place that on the highly odd, unlikely coincidence list. If you watched NCIS at all, you know how Gibbs feels about coincidences. I choose to take that as a visual representation that Lili was finally at peace, and I really did what was right. I choose to take it as a sign, I can wash away my doubts, my guilt. Lili was a duck that had to have the last word. That was the most beautiful last word ever.

I crossed that canyon and looked back. I could see my car and somewhere near that black circle is Lili’s grave.

I turned back around and looked into the distance. Every fiber of my muscles was saying walk, walk, keep walking. It can’t be that far. I resisted, but I still found myself dropping over the edge, to the next canyon, purely out of having to know what treasures may be found.

I have a low set bar for what I consider a treasure. Mostly, I just treasure the Earth. This time, I was rewarded by finding petrified woods sticking out of the face of the hill. A lot of petrified wood. Mostly. I broke open one piece and was stunned to find the wood was not fully petrified yet. Right in the middle, there was still wood. Soft, crumbly wood. Like a cake pulled from the oven just a minute too soon. I didn’t take pictures of that, but I did bring the two halves home. What I did take pictures of, I didn’t bring home. In some of the pictures, I interpret that the tree was not healthy when it died. It looked like it may have had an infestation of some sort and was weakened. My guess is there was a large storm with wind that knocked the tree down, with gusto, judging by the many pieces, and then the rain may have caused a landslide that buried the tree right after it fell. Those fossils were potentially my most amazing find yet.

Happily I chose to wear my “cop” pants that happen to have lots of pockets which meant I was able to load up my pockets as well as carry some bigger pieces back to the car. On the way back up the hill, I stopped at Lili’s grave, which was hard to find, as I intended, and placed one the fossil tree pieces as a muted headstone. The idea is that petrified wood will continue on to help petrify Lili’s spirit, in my heart at least.

I drove out there, with just the expectation of quiet. What I got was the loudest of peace, the loudest of free.

‘Til we meet again, Lili, enjoy your wings, enjoy your flight, you deserved it more then anyone could imagine.

-Duckless Kev