I’m looking for that motivation. Everyday I try to find to strength to go from waking to sleeping stuck in my head alone. Everyday I’m hoping that doorbell will ring and there will be somebody to sit with me for a bit. Everyday I am hoping there is somebody to offer me a quiet moment to allow me out of the cell of my thoughts. I’m trying day-by-day, step-by-step, but I’m so tired, I’m exhausted. I am begging for help as loud as I can, and I can’t understand why the people I’ve been there for, that promised to be there for me, aren’t. I tried so hard to be supportive when I was standing on empty air. I tried so hard to show I deserve to have somebody keep me from falling too. I’m trying to find help. I’m trying to find a friend I can lean on, I’m trying to find somebody that can sit in my world and let me know I do live in a good world, I am a good person. After everything, I still can’t understand why I can’t get anybody to take the time to hold my hand so the tears don’t have to fall, so I don’t have to beg the emptiness for help.

Everyday I truly am trying beyond belief to be okay with myself again. I’m just so tired.