I know, and I agree, the time for good-bye is past, but I still need somebody. I still need that person I set out to find. I realize it was a mistake to try to be there for her, but I still need somebody there for me. I see the irony, and I cry for the irony that I have to force support from the person that has damaged so greatly because there truly is nobody else. I get these words. These words don’t fix, they don’t make better. I really need somebody, and unbelievably, I need that person I need to tell “fuck-off” until that day comes I can fuck-off.

I never sought forever, I never wanted permanence, but I am in a real fucked internal place, and I need help. I can’t ask, I can’t talk, I can’t beg, but I need help.

I lost. I payed. I was scarred. I don’t know what to live for, I can’t a find a reason to live. All I can do is turn to the one with the latest knife and beg, “Please help me. Please help me.”

There is never going to be that partner. There is never going to be that person by my side. I know there will never be a time I’m not alone. I will never feel beyond this isolation. I still need help, I still need somebody. I will never be okay as long as I need anybody in any way, but I can’t fight alone.

Please be there somebody.