A Graduation from Facebook

Oh how I miss Yahoo! Groups. The duck groups which kept my head above depression and isolation, the chicken groups that inspired all out complete feathered family to share our home, and the Ford groups which kept my mechanical dreams alive, even though the Ford rarely was running.

Those groups allowed us to be friends, and feel near complete acceptance based on a specific slice of our lives. We were free to enjoy people in ignorance. You didn’t have learn about people unless you reached out, and if you did connect, the experience was extremely tailored for personal relationship.

I joined Facebook twice, first as my duck Liz, but Facebook wasn’t for animals, wasn’t for a disguised personality, not for me, so the Liz page got dropped, and his social life stayed with Myspace. Eventually, I did join as myself because I was being lazy, and I wanted to be able to share once, and the people that mattered would all get it, saving redundancy. I pretty quickly saw a lot pitfalls, and I thought I could avoid them. I watched some power using friends, and realized you were heading for trouble as connections went over 100-150 friends. I didn’t think that would happen for me. I thought I would be strong, I thought I could withstand the desire for a huge network of acquaintances. Facebook doesn’t work like that. One day I looked, and I exploded to over 300, and stubbornly stayed, even when I sure my opinions, often radical for radicals, had considerably shrank that number down. If it did, I never noticed the high point.

Facebook is addictive. Facebook probably puts more effort into making their product addictive then tobacco companies. They have had a tremendous success, so they did well with the effort. They know keep you addicted, they know how to make you feel a need to be connected, and lonely when you aren’t so you fiend for those drugs of friends. Facebook has become such large and intrusive platform into our lives, to stay off, is indeed to lose out on much of the good our society has to offer. There is a price, a large, steep price. You never know how much you will be charged in emotion or time whenever you see that familiar blue border. Sometimes you walk away, having lost little. Too often, Facebook convinces you to spend so much more, in my case, a lot of it is from guilt of not responsive to those whose responses have meant much to me. A lot is also from a just to easily distracted atten… “Squirrel” (as best put by Doug from Up) Either way, an attempt of a quick glance, a quick response, can be quickly forgotten when my emotions are tapped, and the resulting emotion more often then not, does not leave easily. Certainly not as easily as I acquired it.

My life evolved. The needs that brought me to Facebook has dissipated. My heavy life suppressing medications went away, replaced by more effective medications that didn’t so completely deaden my body. This has also caused rebound effect, like an retreating ice sheet on the ground. Not only did I feel alive again, I became immensely frustrated from time wasted in a pill dug grave. For a few years, I found myself trapped in a life built around that grave, and Facebook truly gave me an outlet, an extremely unhealthy and hurtful outlet as I lashed out against others, and personally accepted the impersonal lashing from others. When I finally broke out, I realized, I don’t have a need for constant connections. I don’t have a need to push out every thought and experience in real time. That is an artificial concept I accepted from peer-pressure.

I hereby release myself from the guilt of not connecting myself to 7.62 billion people, as of this month (easily confirmed by enough sites I don’t feel the need to give a supporting source).

I hereby will allow myself to enjoy expressing my brain as I truly love;

With long-winded RAMBLING.

The same way my brain works in my skull.

No response needed. No thumbs desired. No justification given. No algorithms to pointlessly consider. Just an occasional revealed window to my mind, to my person, to my soul.

If you are here, you want to be here. There is a real purpose to visit. There is a real desire to give thought and consideration for the whole story without the ease of knee-jerk responses, if you indeed decide it is worth finishing the Ramble.

So here I am. You don’t have be here with me. You don’t have let me know you are here with me, and I don’t have to care if you aren’t.

For better or worse, life happens. Regret sucks, and you can never get back what you lost. But along the way, life gives a lot. It is hard to say if it was worth the gain, but it is there, and you wouldn’t have it without those regrets.

I am massively by confused by the emotions that triggers. The feelings are so conflicting, they are a knot, and maybe the only way to untie that knot is to just walk pass it.

A new journey has begun, and this journey is about going slower, working harder, and learning new skills with every step.

For example, building my own personal house on the WWW located on my own property called- duckindogs.com

If you made this far, congrats, I bet it wasn’t easy. If you did get this far, I hope I have whetted your appetite for more occasional long-winded Rambles.

Truly yours,

Duckin’ Kev